the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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