Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
