I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
