Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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