he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
