she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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