My girlfriend figured out who you are.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
