Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
