Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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