Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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