Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
