Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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