Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
