i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
