She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I am available for nakedness
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
