We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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