Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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