I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
