i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
