He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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