i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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