her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
