The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
