Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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