you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
