3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
