i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
