i already hear my dad disowning me
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
