One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He felt like a one man threesome
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
