someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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