Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
