My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
