I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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