This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
