New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
