if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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