i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
