Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
