I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
