Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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