He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
