your thong is hanging out like whoa
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
