I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
