Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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