Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
