She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
