We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I had to cum in my sink.
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