He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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