Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
