Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
