but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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