I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
