I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
