where am i from again
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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